There are no words. Today I was present as friends said good bye to their 7 year old son. On the way home from the funeral I found out that Batten Disease had claimed yet another angel. I would love to be able to take the scattered thoughts that are swirling around my head, write them down and have them make sense but I can't. Because it doesn't make sense, no matter how hard I try. It's not supposed to be this way. I lay here, the darkness of the night pressing in around me, Tatyanna nestled into my side and it all hurts so very bad. The grief I feel for these families becomes intertwined with my own sense of loss and the pain is overwhelming. Parents are not supposed to watch as their kids are laid to rest, it's not the natural order of things. It's just not right.
And so, for tonight, I hold my sweet girl close, grateful that I have another night to lay kisses on her soft hair, a prayer on my lips that I can please have tomorrow. It's all I ask for. Just one more day. But as time moves on it becomes more and more apparent that she is slowly becoming more heaven's child than my own and I know that one day, far too soon, I too will have to say good bye.
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