Monday, August 31, 2009

Lexism of the day

Lexi quote of the day after she overheard me suggest that her brother eat grilled cheese for lunch:

"You can't eat're a boy!! Boys eat boy'd cheese....only girls can have girl'd cheese!!!!".


Sunday, August 30, 2009

a day in the life.....

Live journal "a day in the life" post is up:

For anyone who trickles over here from lj - The picture of my droopy faced pooch used in my title was completely stolen from a different day and was not actually taken on the specified day. After spending an eternity resizing and uploading pics on our rural internet connection I realized that I didn't have a title pic uploaded and so yanked one that I had done on a previous day. I'm not sure if it matters as it's only a title pic but truthfully, I feel sorta guilty about the whole thing.....sorry!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

beauty rest

Some people have the sort of puppies that can be found in calendars and on posters with witty comments and inspiring messages. These puppies make your teeth ache with their sweet faces and your heart feel warm and fuzzy all over.

When we took our Brynn home, I can't honestly say that it was because of her beautiful and well groomed appearance. One look at her floppy ears, sad eyes and belly that was obviously bloated with parasites and we were hooked....because we so needed a challenge in our lives at that moment. While I don't recommend taking home puppies with dubious histories, we were able to play fairy godparents to this Cinderella and offer her a good life. A life that included some much needed kibble and several rounds of deworming tablets. But, despite the tender lovin care, and comfy couches on which to snack lounge, no amount of sleep is going to make our girl a super model. In fact, when she is asleep, she becomes truly frightening.

This is truly the stuff......

that doggy nightmares are made of....

Good thing she has a winning personality....and an athletic set of "eyebrows"!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Some parents get the kind of kids that yell "I HATE YOU!!!" when they are mad, others have kids that think outside the box.

Lexism of the day:

"Yah, well your hair is NOT cool.....and that should make you sad....hrmph!" add a look that could kill and some crossed arms and you will have my lovely 4 year old after I told her that I wasn't impressed with her current attitude.

Friday, August 14, 2009

an analogy kinda day

In one blog that I sometimes read, grief was described as trying to go up on an escalator that is perpetually going down. Try as you might, you never quite reach the top. Some days you get higher, some days you are further down than ever before. I like that analogy, but truthfully it doesn't work for me. Perhaps it's because Tatyanna loved escalators and could spend all day running from one to another at various centres of mass commerce and I am reluctant to combine comparisons of grief with bittersweet memories. Or maybe because I'd naively like to think that someday, just maybe I will know what it feels like to be truly happy again. That I will be able to stand at the top, battle scarred and exhausted but finally at peace. I'm not at that place yet, an elusive Golconda that may never exist for me...but I need to believe that it's possible. For the moment, some days are good, some notsomuch. Good, however is a relative term. Good days are much like catching a wave over treacherous waters. You paddle like crazy against the current and when you're finally up, riding the crest, you know that the water below is deep and cold and that one false move could send you into the churning below. You try to enjoy the ride, feel the sun on your face and the exhilaration of the moment but you know that all to quickly, it's over. Before you really have a chance to savour the moment you are deposited on the beach and left staring out at the emptiness beyond, wondering if the fleeting happiness was real at all and if you will have the strenght to paddle back out there to try it all again.

Perhaps that's not the best or even most accurate comparison, afterall, I'm a land locked prairie gal with extremely limited marine experience. What do I know about oceans and waves and all that- but, it works for me.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Tatyanna's Hope website has been completely overhauled. There are still few bugs to work out as well as reloading the photo pages to increase the quality but for the most part, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out....even if it is the Betty Crocker equivalent of a website. I'm not sure though, now that it's all said and done if I could recommend the Xara web design program or not. I thought it was awesome....until it came time to actually load the site and then the praise singing turned to grumbling, which then quickly degraded into combining various words not fit for young ears. That said, it's up and completely functional.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

the ghosts in the closet

I had good intentions of cleaning and organizing the girls closets in preparation for back to school and the necessary bulk created by cold weather clothing. I had planned to sort through the things that were no longer worn and bag them up for a mass drop off at the local good-will. It seemed like a simple task really. I was not, however, prepared for the onslought of emotions that hit when I started going through Lexi's closets. In the last couple of moves, many of Tatyanna's old clothes had been boxed up and simply put in her little sister closet with the idea that at some point, should she ever decide to grow, Lexi might be able to wear some of the hand-me-downs. Buried at the bottom of drawers or still in the packing boxes, I had completely forgotten that these things existed. It's funny, the degree to which memories can be cued by a simple article of clothing. As I held the assortment of sweaters and dresses in my hands I could clearly see the little girl who used to wear them. The effervesent little person who went through a phase and refused to wear anything but a pink leotard and a "dancing skirt", who was so excited about her 4th birthday that she had to get all dressed up for the occasion. For a moment, I was held entranced by memories that I would give anything to be able to live again. Memories that are now as painful as they are beautiful.

Instead of cleaning and organizing as planned, the clothes went right back in to the boxes. I can be organized another day.