Dear Dog,
The Christmas tree is considered holiday decor and its sole purpose is to give the house an air of festivity. It is NOT a help-yourself, all you can eat, buffet of colourful, plastic chew toys. If you value your place in this family, you will cease and desist your current behaviour immediately.
I thank you for your attention to this matter and urge that you conduct your self accordingly.
Sincerely,
The Management
***Dear Kittens,
I realize that you are cats and as such have been indoctrinated, since birth, with the belief that the world is your oyster and you can do no wrong. Truly, I hate to be the one to bring any sort of doubt to this belief system. But, the large tree that has taken up residence in the living room was NOT put there for your amusement. The colourful baubles that adorn its branches are NOT your playthings and your jumping from branch to branch is NOT poetry in motion. Truthfully you are all at that gawky, teenage stage of kittenhood and although you may feel graceful, that cat-like precision is currently under development. I realize that your mother has told you differently, but seriously, anyone who still breastfeeds their teenage children should not be trusted. I apologize for bringing this harsh reality to light but it had to be done.
Sincerely,
The Management
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