It's funny how there are moments in your life when you know that things are no longer the same. It can be a simple as finding out that there really aren't pirates in big ships or as painful as realizing the impact of a good friends death. I had a friend. I stood up for him despite many peoples advise otherwise. sacrificed for him and believed in him even though he repeatedly let me down. Now I feel like an idiot. I'm not angry at him, but rather, furious at myself for being so blind. I should have realize things sooner and just given up when everyone told me to-but I'm tenacious and stubborn and don't know when to quit. I enjoy a challenge and honestly thought that at some point my efforts would be appreciated.T and I left for a much needed trip to Wpg. I had thought that it would be nice to get away and leave everything at home. He had said that he would house sit...let the dogs out, feed the menagerie of pets etc. It wasn't a whole lot to ask in light of all we have given. Apparently though, it was too much to ask. I called up a different friend to check up on things..just in case. I had hoped that it wasn't necessary. It was a good thing because he came in the house to find the kitchen covered in the filth of dogs who had been neglected for a day and a half. I am furious and feeling stupid but interestingly, not angry at this individual because as far as i'm concerned... he was a bad experience...a learning experience...and no longer exists in my life.Sorry all for the rant but I had to get it out...the time on my counter is now at 2min reamaining...gotta love interent cafe's

coffee junkies unite

This isn't going to come as a shock to anyone, but I really appreciate a truly good cup of coffee. The dark coloured liquid that Tim Horton's tries to pass off as coffee is not coffee. In fact, it's an embarrassment to the sacred name coffee. But, I buy the stuff....I don't enjoy it but I drink it. I like my coffee black, the way it's supposed to be...pure, untainted coffee. Tim Hortons coffee cannot, in my opinion, be consumed this way. Copious amounts of cream and sugar must be added to make the beverage bearable. It's funny what we will put up with for convenience sake. I even reheated my truly terrible cup of joe, because i didn't finish it while it was hot. It's even worse the second time around. Damn Tim Hortons and their nicotine laden coffee.

Mental note to self: the guys who install flooring exist for a reason. All things considered though, the new kitchen floor looks pretty damn good- especially given that it was done by a bunch of amateurs with almost no experience. We didn't kill each other either, which I believe says a lot about our relationship. I do however believe that a book deal on "101 ways to combine various curses thereby making them even better" could be in the works. Fortunately the kids were spending the day at grandmas so there shouldn't be any problems when I pick them up from daycare. Daycares don't seem to like foul language...go figure. Now that the floor is in, all that's left to do is paint. This is the part that I'm excited about. In a twisted kind of way, I love painting. I would probably repaint my house monthly if I was allowed. At first we were just going to use the same colours, but how much fun is that really? So, with all the major work being done, I am extremely happy (you have no idea how much) to report that the house is almost odour free. There's still a funk coming from some where but it's nothing like the eye watering outhouse stench that we came home to. The kids are no longer asking to move which I'm considering a really good sign.On the employment front, mommy guilt kicked in with an extra punch this morning when I dropped my sobbing, clinging 1 yr old off thus causing me to ponder the idea of opening my own liscenced daycare. It could be just the fumes from the linoleum adhesive but it's starting to sound like a good idea. It would only be for a year or two and I would make more money doing that as compared to working full time and paying for childcare. Without the partial subsidy that I managed to qualify for, daycare expenses would have been over 1000$ per month this summer....that's outrageous. As it is I'm still paying somewhere between 3 and 400. It's something to think about, I guess. The evenings, weekends and holidays off are a nice perk too. Not sure if I could do it though...*sigh*

Trudging on with the tenacity and resilience of.....a salamander??

I've come to realize that the last 30 hours have not been all bad. My carpets are now closer than I ever thought posssible to their original shade of creamish-brownish thanks to hours of going back and forth with a rug doctor and some heavy duty, odour fighting cleaners. The new linoleum for the kitchen floor is purchased and sitting ready to be installed. We also happened to find our ex-roommates salamander. He had three of them last year. One plucky little guy had decided to make a break for it and take his chances in the wilds of our basement. He was never seen again....until today. Even more surprising was that he was still alive. Slightly smaller and thinner than previously noted but doing all right for an amphibian that was far from home. After some discussion with the kids regarding why we couldn't keep him or sell him to a pet store, we decided that he would be happiest in the duck's unlimited pond. After a harrowing ride to his new home in a bucket and then a starbucks grande sized cup Sal finally found his freedom. We left fairly quickly because knowing my luck as of late something probably came along and ate him....and I'd prefer to be none the wiser. As far as I know he's swimming along happily doing his slimy salamander thing and I can live with that.Except for dealing with the my house is now the outhouse incident, our trip to Winnipeg was pretty good. We ate too much sushi and did a whole lot of nothing particular. It was nice. I think I need to do it more often.

The girls started daycare today. It's funny, free time was something that didn't exist in my life but instead of feeling liberated I felt kind of lost. The world is a different place with a kid on one hip. You notice things more. Nothing is lost or unappreciated to them because it's all new. Bugs, leaves, cracks in the sidewalk are all things to be explored. Unfortunately Yanna is still in the stage where proper exploration means "let's see if i can stuff this in my mouth before mom catches me" It felt kinda odd hanging out today, doing my own thing....maybe i'll appreciate it more tomorrow.

you know you are a game geek when

You either:

1. Accept xp as a suitable form of payment for babysitting services

2. You offer to pay someone in xp as a payment for said kid watching services.

- "you are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures..."

Somehow in the span of a mere two weeks, I have managed to unwittingly aquire 2 fish, a cat and a dog. This now brings the count to 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 fish and 1 turtle (with talk of getting another turtle in the near future as it would not be fair to poor donatello to go without the luxery of same species conversation) I'm not exactly sure how I allowed this to happen but I'm thinking buying stock in glade plug-ins and that petfresh carpet stuff is probably not a bad idea. They say that pets are supposed to decrease your stress levels but after chasing a baby human and a baby dog around all morning I'm not so sure anymore. There must be some fine print that went along with that statment that I guess I missed. Except for the transormation of house to ark...not much new lately. The search for gainful employment continues slowly. I actually had to go shopping so that I too can prentend to be a responsible and competent professional. At this point though, I have to admit that it kind of feels like playing dress-up. The last interview consisted of being drilled on counselling practices before a panel of people...it was waaayyy fun. Unfortunatley I won't know for a while on that one....but I'm not holding my breath.

Not much new. We took the kids out to a sit-down type restaurant the other day...a daring move as the last time we tried to do so, my daughter attempted to start a knife fight with her brother. This time was surprisingly uneventful. In fact the older guy at the table next to us congratulated T. on his well-behaved family.....what he didn't know is that we kept them quiet by playing hangman with words like fart etc. Hey, whatever works :)
Finally got an estimate back from my seamstress re: tudor style gown I'm having made and it's going to be much cheaper than I had anticipated. This pleases me to no end. Now I just have to come up with half the cost, which is still fairly substantial, so that she can order the fabric. Part of me can't believe I'm so giddily excited about a potential dress. I once did a gender type quiz with my ex and he scored higher on the female side than I did, so it doesn't seem right. But it is a recreation jane seymour/anne boelyn gown......this makes it ok right??

"That's why they're called accidents....not purposes!"

Gotta love five year old wisdom! Went to Winnipeg on the weekend and got into minor accident. Other than some general muscle pain and vehicular damage, everyone is ok. Even the van isn't so bad off. Nothing compared to that belonging to the poor lady who rear ended us. I think there are still pieces of her van somewhere in the intersection. Otherwise it was a pretty good trip. The kids got to swim and go to "Toys for Us" to buy "toys for them" so it was a nice time for all. They also got an extra Chistmas that they weren't expecting with my birth/original family. My birthparents hadn't seen the kids in three years so it was interesting. S. wasn't even really talking the last time we were there and now she doesn't stop. My relationship with them is finally starting to slowly improve which leaves me hopeful for the future. I met them when I was 18 which in my opinion was way to young. For the first couple of years, we muddled through a relationship that can only be describe as fucked up. Counselling probably would have been a good thing, but you never usually acknowledge that you need that extra help until things are beyond fixing. I started talking to them again in the fall after a 2 1/2 year hiatus, mostly because I missed my two brothers and because I thought it would be good for the kids. So far so good, but I must admit that I'm getting tired of being the one who always puts the effort into staying in touch with them. They have alot of guilt regarding giving me up and I find that it really affects things. Despite my joke about being a "pound mutt" I have no negative feelings towards them. She was only 15, could it really have been any different??? Anyways, adoption and reuions are one of my soap box issues, so I will stop talking now before I find a hammer and some nails and start building.
T. started his new job today. His suit and tie is an interesting switch from the Princess Auto attire of the past couple of months. So far he's enjoying it....but then, it's barely past lunch time.....

why do we live here again??

Day two of this insanely cold weather. Masochistic tendencies starting to vapourize and I find myself pondering a move to much warmer climates...like BC...or Calgary (chinooks are nice). Why do people live here...it's bloody cold. Anyways, much credit must be given to the blue behemoth that we sometimes call a van. Despite much vehicular bitching, it has started on both days. I like that. Although it takes all the fun out of driving (think pontoon boat on wheels) something has to be said for the fact that it started yesterday without being plugged in. Christmas and New Years were good. Even that quality family time that I used to dread, was pretty good this year. Decorations are down and Zoe the tree has now joined Sam, last years Christmas tree, in the back yard . The kids have had numerous fights since then over whose tree is the deadest. Apparently there is a gradient of deadness when it comes to Christmas trees. I must have missed that memo somewhere. Otherwise, nothing else new. Saw LOTR again yesterday and it still thought it was an amazing movie. My tattoo will finally be completed as of Wednesday, so I'm pretty pysched about that. It's been a work in progress since Oct. Due to the size and intricacy, it has required more that one sitting. Hopefully, Wed will be the last one.