If Chanel can have a perfume called Chanel No. 5 then I believe that we inadvertently painted the bathroom Behr Brown No.2. Although I'm of the belief that it's not the best colour choice for a bathroom given it's similarity to the obvious, perhaps some might find it inspiring?

First Pet

Guinea pigs were never really on my list of things to own. I'm more of a horse/big dog kind of person. I like it when my pets are large enough that becoming inadvertently squished or lost to the duct work mazes isn't even a remote possibility. But, being an open minded sort of person, or maybe simply a sucker, I thought that we'd give it a try. After all, China was never on my list of places to visit and I would go back there in a second so maybe the same applies to small rodent like animals?? The offer was too good to pass up really. 2 guinea pigs with all the necessary accessories, bought by an individual who was unprepared for the work, for free with an "if it doesn't work out, bring them back" clause. Although Skylar was quite willing to claim and accept responsibility for both guinea pigs, the moment Lexi saw them, she was completely enamoured....even though they aren't the chinchilla's that she has been asking for. She now wakes up in the morning and starts the day by saying "I need to go see the guinea pigs....they aren't chinchillas you know." *sigh* Somehow I don't think that there's any way those pigs will be going anywhere. Congratulations Linny and Henry, you have just found your forever home. And I have just increase my workload 2 rodents worth. It's a good thing they're kind of cute....even if they aren't horses.

It's been a while....

I used to really enjoy blogging. My semi-regular posts were often light-hearted and I tried to write in a way where you could see the humour in what at the moment seemed like a pretty bad day. I enjoyed the occasional comments from readers and felt good when people said that what I had written had made them laugh. I enjoyed making people feel good. I haven't posted much in the last few weeks and there is a good reason for it. Lately, I don't feel good. The "funny" is all used up. In it's place is just a hollow emptiness that doesn't seem to fade. I knew that this phase was bound to happen, I just wasn't sure when. I'm tired of always having to be strong. I'm tired of hearing that I'm an "inspiration" and that what we did was heroic. I'm tired of looking for the "small blessings" and of treasuring the moment because I don't know if there will ever be another one. I'm tired of trying desparatley to keep my family functioning while running frantically between meetings and therapy appointments and the housework piles up and I am left to fall in to bed exhausted at night. I'm tired of being the anchor to too many ships. I'm tired of being tired.

I watched a mother walk down the bike path yesterday. She was pushing a jogging stroller and walking with a purposeful stride. One half block behind her was a 3 year old boy. He, apparently, hadn't gotten her memo that they had an agenda and was meandering aimlessly along the path dragging a stick along the ground and watching the path it made in the damp earth. His mother had obviously taken the time to carefully choose his brand-name clothes and sneakers but couldn't take the time to join his world as they walked. I wanted to shake her and point out exactly what she was missing. I see parents everywhere with young kids and a piece of me wants to go back to the moment when my life was good. A moment when I remembered what it was like to wake up in the morning and honestly feel a sense of excitement about the day to come.

Thursday, Tatyanna will be getting her "wish pony". As a horse-crazy mom who wanted nothing more than to have her daughter share her passion for the equestrian world, this should be a momentous event. But instead of joy, it will be bittersweet. My daughter's pony is a result of a wish made to the Children's Wish Foundation. My dreams of teaching her the elements of basic riding and cheering her on at her first show are gone. Instead I will try to find joy in her smile as I walk beside her and she goes for a walk on her pony; all the time praying that she will have another day to go for another ride.

I debated deleting this blog. I know that I have picked up readers(read: family) who can't handle negative emotions.
But, I changed my mind. This is my reality. It's not sunshine and roses. The reality is, my 5 year old daughter has Batten Disease and as such I will have to look for light in the darkness and smile even though my heart is breaking. It will be a bumpy ride, so if you aren't willing to hang on, it's probably best that you get off now.

On a lighter note, TV seems to have taken a sudden liking for using sumo wrestlers in its advertising. I can appreciate this as I can't seem to watch sumo wrestlers without smiling, just a little. It's probably horribly unPC, but this time, I'm ok with that. Sumo wrestlers make me feel better. So there.

Heres lookin' at you kid

This is one of those moments where I, thinking that I had taken a nice "memory photo", put the camera away a few minutes too soon. Right after this shot was taken, Tatyanna, in a moment of unbridled Bovidae adoration, leaned forward, placed both hands on either side of the goat's face and planted a big wet kiss on his lips! Comical does not even begin to describe it. I "kid" you not. Umm...I'll stop now....

We are home!!!! I will update, there will be back entries from my keyboard free period, and photos...but not until the kids are no longer sick with the minor plague that they brought home with them (souvenirs anyone?) and the jet lag has worn off. I thought that we would adjust better this trip to the time difference but 430 this morning found Trent and I making sandwiches in the kitchen.

Gradients of relaxation while travelling....

Bejing airport....notsomuch


Vancouver airport....perhaps a slight improvement?

Winnipeg, Sheraton 4 points hotel.....Ahhh....

And then there were 6

When we left Canada as relatively unseasoned and unpracticed travellers we had a modest 3 suitcases plus carryons in tow. Today, after spending 7 weeks away, we will return home attempting to juggle 6 suitcases. Add that to the carryon baggage and 2 small children and it should be an interesting kind of day. Suitcases...they are like rabbits.

a minor inconvenience.....

I have come to the conclusion that the keyboard is the most under-rated component of the laptop. Much discussion is given to CPU's, motherboards and the like, but one becomes quickly aware of just how essential a working keyboard is when they are stuck in a foreign country and said component decides to "take its own vacation." Due to our recent mechanical difficulties, this will be the last "in type" update before we arrive home. I will try to provide you with some photo updates over the next couple of days so please feel free to fill in your own stories and captions to go with the pictures. It will probably be more entertaining! I can access email at all the usual addresses but since any responses will either have to be typed on the iPod (and sent when it can get a connection, which is rarely) or by painfully cutting and pasting the letters from other sources (which I have done and can't say that I enjoyed), the chances of you getting a reply will be fairly small. I feel bad about this, really I do and want you to know that I truly appreciate emails and will get back to you as soon as I can.

The good news is, we get to go home early!! Tatyanna had her last injection on Tuesday and as such, we are able to go home on the 27th of May. Because we were expecting to have another 10 days, the weekend will be filled with last minute sight seeing and packing up our room. The girls are more than ready for the trip back to Canada and when Lexi was told that we would be going on a bus ride to the night market this evening, her response was a very emphatic "NO...I'm going home on a plane." To which Tatyanna added "and go to Build-a-Bear!"

Since making a list of thing that I miss would pretty much be stating the obvious and go on for far to long, I thought that I would change things up a little.



Things that really can't say that I've missed:


1. It has been approximately 6 weeks since I have read an article outlining the exploits of Britney Spears or discussing the many children of Brad and Angelina or wondering about the whereabouts of Suri. I'm ok with this. My world has come not come crashing down without hearing the latest celebrity gossip. In fact, I think it might be a better place. I will however be honest and admit that there is fairly good chance that I will pick up a People magazine for the flight home. 15 hours of intercontinental travel with 2 small children is hardly the time for intellectually stimulating reading.


2. Springtime in Manitoba is bi-polar at the best of times. I can honestly say that I can do without the 2 months of sending the kids to school in T-shirts one day and parkas the next.


3. Filling the truck up with gas. Taxis are plentiful and super cheap in Beijing. To hire a driver to take us to the great wall, a 2 hour drive, wait around for us until we are ready to leave and then drive back to the hospital, the cost is 700 RMB. That works out to about $100 CAD. Most of the time we simply load Tatyanna's chair onto the bus and go wherever we need to go, for the unbeatable price of 1RMB.....that's $0.14 CAD.

4. Paying the sticker price. It's significantly more fun to ask the price and then see just how low you can actually get the item for. Trent and I are far too competitive though and it's almost become a game to see who gets the better deals at the end of the day.

5. Meal planning. Once in a while I sort of miss cooking, but then I just sit down until it passes. When things are chaotic, it's kind of nice to wander down to the cafe, request the "lunch special" and know that it's going to be both healthy, and fairly decent tasting. This however doesn't apply to fish. When Sam comes to the room wondering if we would like fish for dinner, the safest response is to just say no.

6. As much as I love my dog, that warm, fuzzy feeling does not extend to the various substances that he tends to produce. Great Danes are large dogs and as such produce large messes. On a bad day, they can leave a slime trail that would make a snail green with envy. There was nothing in the "Great Dane Puppy Guide" that gave any indication that I would one day be cleaning slobber from off the ceilings.

lost in translation

It's funny but I don't remember these discs having this title when I bought the same versions in Canada.
For an even funnier and much more extreme example of "interesting" translations,please go here: http://www.rahoi.com/2006/03/may-i-take-your-order/ We have actually seen menus similar to this on a much smaller scale. It keeps things interesting.

It's almost kind of sad how excited we got to see/hear Tatyanna counting again. Prior to our trip to China, I can't remember the last time that she was able to do that.

One year ago, Trent and I stood on the edge of a battle field. Unaware. Oblivious. We naively made plans for a future that was never meant to be and honestly thought that things were starting to look up. Within a month we found ourselves in the very trenches of a battle that we were not prepared to fight.

No one said that parenting was supposed to be easy but some mom's really get a raw deal. To those mom's this is my toast to you, because you truly deserve it. (Feel free to grab the beverage of your choice at this point: juice...water...a nice south African pinotage...tequilla...don't worry about finding the glass, it will be less to wash later)

Here's to all the mom's who have knelt at their child's bedside whispering fervent prayers for a better day

Who are too scared to dream for the future because all that really matters is that they made it through today

To the moms who have held their crying child, stroking the tendrils of damp hair away from their cheeks and wondering if the tears would ever end


and to those who long to hear their child utter a single sound and know that even a cry would be like the sweetest symphony


To the moms who could play connect the dots with the IV scars that cover their child's hands and feet


and know more technical terms and drug interactions than your average med student.

To the mom's who could tell you the days of the week without looking at a calendar....it was written on the weekly pill dispenser, and isn't today PT...it must be Tuesday...

And to those who drive wistfully by playgrounds, wanting nothing more than to spend an afternoon pushing their child on a swing or making castles in the sand.


To the mom's who refuse to quit, who keep pushing, knowing that it isn't because they are particularly strong or even because it's something they want to do,

But because they have to, there simply is no other choice.

And to the mom's with experience, who's babies have long since grown up and have children of their own

Who know that while this isn't their battle, they are there to provide an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.


Here's to the moms who have endured more than they ever though possible and know that there is more yet to come


May you find the courage and strength to face each new day and never stop looking for the small miracles


To all of you, Happy Mother's Day.

Censorship...it's what's for breakfast

It's funny, while I can update my blog from China I can't actually read it once it's been published. Not that I would really want to, I rarely read it over for editing purposes before hitting the "publish" button (I'm sure you've probably noticed that one), but it also means that I can't read a majority of my "regulars" either. Live journal, blogger and an assortment of other sites with seemingly innocuous titles have all disappeared into to void of "Internet cannot display the webpage" My morning coffee routine is just not the same....but that might also have something to do with the fact that it now consists of a cup of instant Nescafe and not a perfectly perked cup of Peruvian Chanchamayo or the like. Now when I get home, not only will I have to wash 15 loads of laundry (the older 2 kids are at their dads for 8 weeks) I will also have to catch up on 8 weeks of missed blogs. This could take a very very long time.

"I'm going home....I'm going to school to see Keirnan and Skylar!" Lexi emphatically announced as she stood poised at the room door wearing nothing but her sister's pink sneakers and a white plastic shopping bag containing all of her clothes, slung across her back. A magnetic story board with its assortment of princesses and pretty dresses was in one hand and a colourful plastic pony in the other.

I think it's safe to say that she's had enough! I wish I was closer to the camera because that was truly a "kodak moment" Her feelings echo those of everyone around her, but this is only the halfway mark....there are still 4 long weeks to go.

Just a couple of photos.....

This one will be sure to make anyone with any sort of nursing experience cringe. This lovely, and somewhat archaic, glass bottle IV is hung daily with the instruction of "Only half" Once the liquid reaches the halfway mark in the bottle, we then ring the nurses to switch medications. Sometimes they give us a line, sometimes not.


Every time I walk by this sign I'm left wondering, "what kind of stuff..."