I'm not sure what it is but I have this strange desire to cook rabbit stew. Oh, wait....maybe it's the 3 hours of Max and Ruby that I was forced to endure yesterday on the way to Lac la Biche. Yes, that must be it.

I survived. To be honest, I wasn't sure that I would. T has been gone for the last week on another one of his work holidays. He tries to tell me that it's work but I tend to disagree. In my world to be considered a holiday, the event must meet the following criteria:

1. Sleeping must be done in a bed other than your own. Setting up a tent the basement does not count.

2. Housework is not necessary and does not involve cleaning dog slime from the walls or cheerios from the vents.

3. Intelligent conversation with other adults must be had.- At this point though, I would settle for any conversation. In the last few days I have found myself saying things like "I really don't think that it's a good idea to lick the cheese grater....I understand that you like cheese, but I can't see this going well for you." and "Please stop carrying your sister around by her head....she doesn't like it" or even "Someone hand your sister the puke bucket....please!!!"

4. Any trips to the bathroom are done without an audience. Most people take this one for granted, I don't.

See, he's totally on a holiday. I am however going to look at a horse on the way home from picking T up. I realize that I could be setting myself up for some monumental disappointment but the opportunity was too good to pass up. If we move, I will have the money to put towards riding, if not, I will have to content myself with playing with yanna's collection of plastic horses. She's only a yearling at this point but seems quite promising. We'll have to see what happens I guess.

Yanna has always been a rather perceptive sort of kid. For all her outward, bull-in-a-china shopness, she can be pretty tuned in to the feelings of those around her. Yesterday, i was upset and frustrated for most of the day. I thought I was hiding it pretty well from the kids but Yanna found me, gave me a hug and asked what was wrong. After I explained to her that grown-ups have bad days too, she smiled and asked "you need penis mommy?"* and then offered me a tissue. How can you not smile after that? I think I will miss the "Yannish" once the speech therapist starts working with her.

*In Yannish, all hard c/k sounds are p's and x's are s's...thereby making the word kleenex sound...much more entertaining

Nostomania - noun; an overwhelming homesickness; a desire to return home or to a place of familiarity

I can't say that I'm homesick exactly. To be honest, there are aspects of returning home that would be extremely difficult (read: there is a distinct lack of decent sushi places) I'm not sure what it is. There seems to be a general sense of angst and unrest lately. Perhaps it's the months of living in limbo and the uncertainty of whether we are going or staying. We have done all we can to improve the situation here to no avail and while moving back seems to be the best solution, it is also proving to be impossible. Any jobs that we apply for compete with the local population....people who are available for interviews and can start immediately. Needless to say, this is making the whole process that much more difficult. I applied for 4 jobs at the hospital but can't imagine that I will hear anything. We extended our "moving deadline" to the end of the month. After that, I'm not sure what will happen.....we can't really stay here but don't really want to move the kids mid-school year. One kid wants to move, one doesn't. The younger two are too young to care. Moving would free up money we have in the house....money for T to get his education...for me to get back into riding. We even found a decent house, with enough room for a family of 6 and a mortgage that would be half of what we currently pay. It seems like the ideal solution and yet we can't seem to make it happen.